Owning Your Choice

This week would have been the second week of my whole30, had I stayed the course. I didn’t. I caved into a fro-yo gift card work gave out as part of our company meeting. Then Saturday night I drank. I went to a birthday party with my friend. We both intended to be sober companions and keep each other accountable. It didn’t work out that way. I also had chips at the party. I woke up this morning hungover and tired. My night did not go well in terms of sleep. The crankiness extended when I realized what a beautiful day it is here. My dog hated that I hadn’t walked her. I hated how I felt.

What I learned from this is that if I want to make my half marathon goal of under 2 hours. It’s going to require more than just a desire but a plan. In order to stay with that plan, I need to stop drinking. It’s really that simple. The act itself isn’t simple. Even after coming to the conclusion, I still want to believe there is an alternative. I’m looking for a loophole to my own decision, enforcing the need for it. It will keep my sleep schedule on track. I won’t miss runs because I wake up hungover and tired. It’s not that this happens every time I drink, but it certainly can and it zaps my energy levels. It makes me feel sluggish. As much fun as I have when drinking, I can have that same amount of fun not drinking.

I stopped the whole30 not because it was hard. Yes, it’s challenging and rewarding. Yes, it’s possible to do it. I just felt very overwhelmed by the amount of change and how it wasn’t fitting into my life. I enjoy what I got out of my short 12 days of it. I plan to continue most of it, I’m still going to avoid dairy and keep sugar in check. However, the amount of restriction was too much for me to be okay with at this time. It’s not to say I won’t try it again. I probably will because I can see how beneficial it is. It’s just not right, right now. I can see how the process of weight loss is hard. It is a series of small choices that up to major change. A difficult task especially if you haven’t defined your motivation. You can say “I want to be healthy” but if you don’t know what it means, it’s not going to stick. You will find an excuse. If you do not set the intention, it is hard to push forward in the challenging moments where you need to break a habit. I didn’t set an intention with the Whole30 beyond the desire to see if I could. I’m not excusing my cheating or that I gave up. I’m frustrated with myself. Yet, I’m owning my choices because I’m not ready for the larger change it’s asking of me. I’m still trying to figure out the best method for being the best me.

 

 

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About Minnehappilos

I am a lot of things. Dog owner, runner, traveler, worrier, feminist, rap enthusiastic, but mostly a contradiction that only a child in born in the 80's could represent. This blog is not a manual, just a funny read.
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