One thing I struggle with is finding my voice. Many that know me may read that and laugh. It is true, often I don’t speak up when I should. There are times when I do find the courage or ability to speak my mind. It’s not that I fear what someone will do. It’s that I fear what I will do. Some times I don’t care how far I push, the limits as what my actions will make someone else feel. It is the empathy for the other that alludes me. I am trying to get better. I am trying to remember that words can and do hurt. It is with that I’ve been trying to resolve what it is that I want to gain from my NY resolutions. Some easily list out goals they’ve crafted and aspire to obtain them. I’m not down with that. I was recently reading one of my favorite blogs and she talked about picking a verb that defines the theme for your year. The idea is that various things fit into this goal. It is how you choose to define the word that it leads to the results. I really enjoy this approach.
The problem is picking a verb is hard. I really like the ones she lays out on the blog, however that is poaching. It takes out the personal approach. It separates my own wants, values and purpose from it. Quiet simply, it’s letting someone else do the work and expecting results. It doesn’t work with a work out and it doesn’t work in this scenario. I thought if I read through a list of verbs it might spark ideas. What it really did was make me realize that first, I need to identify what I want this word to do. I know I want a lot of things, I just don’t always have the confidence to believe I can have it. It’s silly. I often act like a peacock, strutting about but really, it only holds true in about four things. I talk myself into something only to then talk myself out of it.If I want this experiment to be successful I have to believe it.
Part of my goal with the 30 by 30 list is to not let that happen. I want to say, self, you are capable of a under 2:00 half marathon time. Yes, it’s not going to be easy, but nothing is so stop saying 2 something is okay because at least I’m doing it. That only got to work for the first three. You are out of that comfort zone, stop being complacent. You will figure out yourself but you have to first allow yourself to find it. Stop being complacent with what you think is okay.
A few verbs I’ve considered are join, accept, and offer.
Join: To bring in contact, connect, or bring or put together. To bring together in a particular relation or for a specific purpose, action, etc: unite.
Accept: to undertake the responsibility, duties, honors, etc., of
Offer: to give, make, or promise.
After reading through the definitions the ones that I pulled out of the various explanations all including connecting. The act of connecting one thing to another. I think it is with this intention that I find the verb that I want to define 2012. Connect.
Connect is defined as: join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind; to have as an accompanying or associated feature;to cause to be associated, as in a personal or business relationship; to associate mentally or emotionally.
2012 is the year to connect the dots of me.