The weekend of Nov. 22nd I ended my whole30, early but planned. I traveled the weekend before to my sister’s and nearly quit then. I realized that when I’m in control of my environment and routine, it’s easy. When my routine becomes part of travel and food choices are limited, it becomes more work. I don’t mean to say you never could travel and do it. You can and people do, but it wasn’t right for me. I sat at a restaurant in central Wisconsin, and nothing on the menu would be Whole30 compliant, okay maybe a salad with nothing on it. I ordered a burger, took it off the bun and eat it. That’s it and that wasn’t okay for me. I gave myself a break when I went to Omaha. I did fairly well keeping with eating well. I didn’t go crazy. I didn’t drink like a frat boy which normally would be the whole point of me going. While I didn’t finish the 30 days I am happy with what I accomplished through it.
The thing I wasn’t ready for….what people had to say about how I looked. I had one acquaintance tell me I was too skinny. I had a dear friend tell me I was a stick figure. Over Thanksgiving my family asked if I was going to blow away in the wind.
It was not what I expected. I felt great. With a series of words, that started to crumble. I felt like an impostor. That soon I would be found out and everyone would know it wasn’t really me in that body. I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t that skinny girl everyone was commenting on, I was just me that fun chubby girl that was smart and snarky. But I was that girl.
Losing weight is hard. The part you are never prepared for is how the words and compliments bring up a host of emotions you didn’t know you felt until they hit. I work hard for this body. I don’t take what it does for granted. I feed it. I try to push out of comfort zones. I make conscious choices so that I can be proud of it and comfortable in it.
The interesting part, is weight wise, I probably was within five lbs of what I’ve always been in the last two years. The difference is that I’m more muscular. I’m leaner. Absolutely my body has changed but my weight, not really. Sure, I threw out my scale because I was obsessing over the number too much. Part of that came from how it fluctuated between those five pounds. Now that I’m not focused on a number, I’m settling into my body. My measurements are different, my clothes fit differently. I feel confident. I reached what Jillian Michael’s calls the “sex with the lights on” confidence I’ve wanted with my body.
But with a few words, I felt it all come crashing down. No matter where you are in your own journey, know it is never over. You will reach your goal. But the series of decisions you make every day, they get easier but they never end. You’ll still need the belief in yourself to get over the words and struggles in your environment. And remember, be kind to yourself. You deserve it. There will always be people giving you unkind thoughts and projecting their struggles.Stay strong, you need that kind voice in your own head.